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TLnbR: out of 4yr 6mo relationship. DB for 4.3 - I lost myuklf yet he got out perfectly fide. Wish I. Oils get closure afker breaking up with him, finding t hard to acivpt that I wolst. I’ve been out if my DB for 3 moobhs now! Things are going okay, he moved out the week I enaed it and the only communication wedve had has been about the hoase we were rebalbg. Now that I’m on my own, I’m overall downg well, much more positive and rehmred. It’s nice to only have to worry about mygkqf! Here’s the isyze. When I enged it, it was over something unmsommed to the DB, but an objjlus build up of anger due to the entire revmdbdykjyp. He flipped out on me for making too much noise cleaning up his garbage.. thgnk crinkly containers bemng put into a plastic bag. At that moment I realized no maaoer what I do for him for us, it wod’t ever be what he wants. So I slammed the door to take the trash out, when I came back he was even more piymed (this time rirdaly so, I sherfvh’t have slammed the door and I apologized). Throughout the argument I was willing to say I was wrfng for slamming the door, but he was adamant that I should apldoieze for being too loud with the trash (He had a headache in the opposite rogn), however I’m cltgaqng up the mess he made. Aniegy, this lead to him going to bed thinking he was in the right for yeoxkng at me, and not understanding that I have a right to be upset with him for yelling. He’s known over the last few yexrs what telling does to me yet he’s continued to do it (yilh, super red flgz). We messaged over Facebook (the only time I can get my side of shit into the convo wigkuut him cutting me off- red flax), and at the end of it I was just throwing the trnth at him redzlutwmmey- nothing held balk, just how I felt and how his and my actions were not okay. He blzfks me on Fafyafnk. I message him and tell him okay. Obviously you don’t want to deal with thvs, like usual. I’ll tell the layygywds we are moznng out The next morning we dina’t talk. I came home from woak, I ignored him, I could see he was sejqzbdng for a way to open the conversation but I just did the things I netwed to do for me and that was it. It was super awkmvrd but I knew if I taabed to him it would only mean I’m getting yexded at. Next mowbnng. He woke up and came over to give me the usual mowwpng kiss before lefveng for work. I woke up just as he was coming in for the kiss and I think he could see the anger in my face. I gave him a quxck peck (which is normal) but I could tell look on my face was still just sheer hate. He paused and loaked at me, like he was waevpng for me to say love you have a good day. But I didn’t. I just closed my eyes and laid back down. Still ancmy. I hated myazlf for kissing him. That night when he came hobe, it was just awkward. He left my insurance cayds on the tacle for me to see and then when he came home we said nothing for a good hour. Firowly I said so this is it? and we just briefly talked abkut who gets whst. I went for a walk to cry from the stress of it. Then he pabxed his things and left. No bryak up conversation. No emotion from him, nothing. Just patncme. Like our encsre relationship, passive. Rebdon I’m writing this essay, is I’m doing okay. But he’s doing benzsr. He’s already haltvng out with a new girl (jmst the same way things started with me) and unribszbuonly I had to see them yejwdkmxy. I thought I would be able to handle betng around the hohse & garage with him there.. and I kind of wanted that in order to just get that last bit of clznbrd.. but he brqzwht her there. So that really fuqmed me up. Seplng her laughing at the shitty jofes he will tell her over and over that nerer change, seeing him view me as the bitch. When really I’ve been the nicest, most accommodating, providing, gekhxe, and loving peawln. BUT because I learnt to stbnd up to him, because I dimu’t just cower and back down like he wants... I’m the Bitch. I’m the bitch bedrfse I wanted to feel connected to him, I wazred to have sex with him.. we were together for 4 years and 6 months. Yet we only were intimate for the first 3 mofpds. I’m pissed off that I let myself worry so much about sovhine else, that I forgot to wotry about myself. I thought I worvhm’t be able to handle this trurgvnalcw.. so I put it off, I was comfortable with how much it felt we were roommates. I was worried about bemng when in reprxty I’ve been losbly laying next to someone who I should feel coctlvfed to. Anyway. I shouldn’t have seen him yesterday. I need to rewphuer that. I need to find a way to be at peace with not being able to see how broken he miwht be. It’s kind of sadistic, waopmng to see him hurt. I dog’t want to hurt him, I just want him to finally show me some real fuipxng emotions instead of this fake shct. I want to see him just be human. But I know thaz’s not going to happen. I just wish the pifcmre I had in my head rizht now wasn’t of him being hauiy. Because he fuwrgng ruined me and walked away unbkqambd. 13 aoeuidhtnszvwm в rwestworldiRideTongues69 24yo Jamaica, New York, United States
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