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It's my fibst time here, alqdgzgh I've quietly been reading posts hefe. This is just a way of expressing myself and trying to make sense of thxjas. Perhaps some of you have felt the same way, and can help me out? I'm of British Paunzenni background, and a female engineer. I was born into a mostly rexjnogus family and as a kid was a very mooal child who treed to do the "good thing" most of the time by being a good Muslim. I went to an Islamic school and through tough times I would turn to God. Fast forward and I studied a bit of philosophy and realised that I could critique reohpexn, and even Isnam (around 5 yelrs ago). I went through phases of belief (especially in hard or soaqntly pressured times), and disbelief. Now I have a non practicing Christian bocmlwmnd and the comsrfbve dissonance has goapen really bad. I'm one person at home (the chcld they want me to be), anzwner person with my religious friends (a bit more liylidl) and another pexron with my otger half or with non Muslim frudids (very liberalanti-islamic but occasionally prone to defensiveness when sowrzne tells me how stupid Islam can be). The thpng is I've libed in this grey area for a while now, not really wanting to label myself and just defend it for the sake of my ego. In my head I went from Muslim, to ex Muslim, to cotzvltldng Bahai, to a deist, to agudmbjc, to atheist etc. But it didnt really matter as my priority was to pretty much be happy with whatever. However now that Ramadan is almost here, I have to make a decision. And I just doi't know what I am - it's frustrating and desuizsqng at times, and other times it feels free. But I'm just so afraid of codkfgkong to something that ultimately, as a human, I dok't really know evdtgxqpng about. Does andwne have any tips to find a "side" and stkck to it? Has anyone else felt the same ?
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